Business Meal Etiquette Still Stumps Many
Business Meal Etiquette Expert Robin Jay Shares Tips for How to Succeed at The Art of the Business Lunch
Business Meal Etiquette Still a Sticky Situation for Many
As “The Queen of the Business Lunch”, I am often asked to speak on business meal etiquette. I enjoy being able to help business executives discover the right way to conduct business over the table. It’s as much about not making mistakes as it is about doing things the right way! A bad lunch experience can destroy the opportunity to build a profitable business relationship. The key is to BE PREPARED! You can prepare for everything from casual conversation to choosing the right restaurant for your business meal.
Business Meal Etiquette Tips
Some of the most important tips I can share with you are:
- Whoever does the inviting to a business meal picks up the check, unless your client asks, “When are we going to lunch?” In that case, YOU would pick up the check. That is actually a fabulous scenario because your client is giving you the opportunity to take the relationship to a higher level. And, this is the ULTIMATE purpose behind sharing a meal. Seize it! You can slip your credit card to your server when you are being seated. Your clients will be settling in and won’t even notice. This also indicates to your server that YOU are the host of this business meal.
- Is it ever okay to order alcohol at a business meal or whenever you are out with clients? I am asked this question more than just about any other; it tends to stump even the most seasoned business pros. I always recommend that you follow the leader when it comes to alcohol. That being said, be sure to TAKE IT EASY! You never want to get drunk when out with clients. Make sure you are not drinking on an empty stomach. And, if you’re at dinner and you want to offer wine, I have a simple method for ordering a nice bottle even if you’re not a wine aficianado – but your client is. In fact, my tip was published in Chicken Soup for the Wine Lover’s Soul. Don’t be intimidated! Remember, your servers are there to help you. Look at the wine list, select two options, then point to the wine list and ask your server, “Which of these two would you recommend?” Your server will direct their comments to the table. THAT is when you give your clients the opportunity to weigh in. And, most importantly, YOU will control the cost. If given the opportunity, many clients will order the most expensive bottle, hoping to impress you with their knowledge … or merely to take advantage of your expense account!
- Be prepapared for casual conversation before a business meal. Be up to date on current events, industry trends, new technology (when applicable), community events, and world affairs. NEVER bring up any topic that could be considered “controversial” – ie: politics, religion, sex, drugs, etc. Read magazines, the latest best-seller, see the newest movie at theaters, and on the day of your lunch, try to catch at least 15 – 20 minutes of a national news show.
- Avoid ordering foods that are challenging to eat. This includes most pastas, oversized burgers barbequed ribs, chocolate fondue … you get the picture! If you think you might end up wearing your meal, such as when you are served a sandwich that is too big to eat by hand, simply desconstruct it and eat it with your untensils.
Make Your Business Meals the Most Productive Time of the Day
From choosing the right restaurant in the right price range to deciding whether or not to pick up your client or meet them at the restaurant, there are many opportunities for a business meal to turn into a disaster. Don’t let this happen to you. Be prepared for your business meals by knowing what to do – and what NOT to do – before you go. Once you discover the benefits of sharing a business meal with your clients, you’ll start to see your business grow more than you ever thought possible.
If you have business meal questions, I’m here to help. Email me at Robin at RobinJay.com and I’ll be happy to help you navigate your business meals to success.
Las Vegas Motivational Speaker Robin Jay Now on eSpeakers
Motivational Sales Speaker Robin Jay Shares a Moment with Her Audience
Las Vegas Motivational Sales Speaker Robin Jay Now on eSpeakers
I’ve been a motivational sales speaker in Las Vegas for nearly 10 years. So, when Nancy Lauterbach, owner of Red Propeller Speakers Bureau, suggested I build a profile on eSpeakers, I took her advice to heart immediately! Nancy knows as much about the speaking industry as ANYONE!
The exercise of listing “everything” about my speaking career as a “Business Relationship Expert”, “Sales Speaker,” and “The Queen of the Business Lunch” on the eSpeaker website took me several days (since I was also busy doing my other work.) I needed to post my programs, bio, etc., plus re-edit a demo video so it would be free of contact information … a significant tool for bureaus.
The best part of the task was digging up testimonials for my speaking engagements across the country from meeting planners who had booked me to speak and were impressed with the outcome. Sure, I have a “one sheet” with a few choice raves (Interested? You can see some of these on this site under my speaker page.) But eSpeakers recommended I list about 15, so I ended up going through some letters I’ve received over the past few years. It was a joy to recall the various speaking engagements I’ve had. I remembered the audiences and the wonderful people I’ve met. It’s rewarding to know that as a motivational speaker, I can make a difference in how people view their business relationships. And I’m SURE I changed the way many of them will manage their CLIENT POWER LUNCHES, (plus Etiquette, and Networking, too)!
As a Sales Speaker, I Will Empower Your Teams
If you’ve followed my career at all, you know I’ve been busier making movies lately than speaking. BUT, I am always thrilled whenever I get to speak. I’m excited at the prospect of being available to speak more this year and I’m looking forward to seeing how my profile on eSpeakers will work toward generating new business. I’ll keep you posted. I want to speak to your group and empower your teams; as a sales speaker, I know what it takes; I sold advertising for nearly 20 years and regularly brought in 6-figure contracts!
An Entertaining Sales Speaker Will Make a Difference
The experience I’ve gained as a writer and producer (www.TheKeeperoftheKeys.com) has helped me as a Motivational/ Sales Speaker by giving me even more amazing stories that I can now share from the platform. An entertaining sales speaker will empower an audience by keeping them engaged! Because of this intense experience, I now think more like a business OWNER rather than merely a sales rep – and that makes my sense of what works to make businesses successful even keener than it was before, which was pretty darn keen! I’m happy to credit my ability to build great relationships for my success as a film producer. Not only did I recruit some of the most AMAZING speakers to appear in my film, but throughout the entire process – from production to editing to the premiere to my distribution deal – I have built outstanding business relationships with some remarkable experts and professionals.
I’m looking forward to meeting more people, speaking at more luncheons and events, and sharing my experience to help everyone become a Business Relationship Expert!
Want to know what you should never lick at a CLIENT LUNCH?! I have the answer for you in this video, along with some other quick tips for building better business relationships when hosting your very own “Power Lunches”:
Las Vegas Motivational Speaker Available for Last-minute Bookings
Las Vegas Motivational Speaker Robin Jay – presenting to MPI Edmonton
Las Vegas Motivational Speaker Robin Jay Available for Last-minute Bookings
As a Las Vegas motivational speaker, I understand the pressures of putting together meetings and conferences. In fact, I have helped pull together some very big meetings for seasoned event planners, and have booked everyone from an astronaut to a gospel choir in order to help my clients put on their best meeting ever.
The challenge for many people planning meetings is that they aren’t “real” meeting planners. They are Marketing Directors, assistants, and secretaries. Sometimes, a busy executive thinks an out-of-town meeting will provide a great shot-in-the-arm for his team, but they don’t think about bringing in a speaker until the very last minute. That’s where I come in.
Need a Las Vegas Motivational Speaker NOW?!
If you have a meeting coming up 1st or 2nd quarter, think about bringing me in to speak. My expertise lies in Sales, Communication, and Building Business Relationships. Doing these well can be challenging in any economy, but lately, salespeople need all the help they can get! And, my programs aren’t just “rah-rah” enthusiasm that soon fades. I deliver the nuts-and-bolts … solid takeaways that can be implemented immediately to increase sales. Plus, I’ll customize my program to your specific needs and challenges.
Also, as “The Queen of the Business Lunch”, I also speak on Etiquette and Networking. If you are looking for someone to speak to an association or network marketing group, I have an exciting new program called “The Keys to Financial Freedom.” This is an inspiring program that ties in to the keys I featured in the award-winning self-help film, “The Keeper of the Keys,” which I wrote and produced. ALL of my programs are motivational … and ultimately lead to increased sales and greater professional and personal satisfaction.
Another program I do – which is great for business or guest/spouse programs – is “The History of Las Vegas: A Study in Risk & Reward.” There is no place else on Earth like Las Vegas. Not your typical Las Vegas Motivational Speaker, I am also a 36-year resident. The rich history and the way Las Vegas continues to reinvent itself offers tremendous lessons for ANY type of business. And, I deliver an incredibly entertaining program that offers an abundance of rare photos, and it all comes together with personal anecdotes that you won’t hear from anyone else.
If your sales projections are looking weak, let me help! I’m booking a FEW speaking engagements with BIG discounts for 1st & 2nd qtr. 2013 – anywhere in the U.S. PLUS, I’m offering an Extra Discount for events in Las Vegas. Call me: 702-460-1420 today or email me at Robin@RobinJay.com to check availability. Do all you can to make 2013 your biggest year ever!
Help Your Team Increase Sales
Robin Jay shares business relationship tips to increase sales with MPI Edmonton
Robin Jay: I want to help you INCREASE SALES
Is the goal for your next sales meeting or annual conference to INCREASE SALES? Do you want to bring in a motivational speaker who can IMPROVE your team’s attitude, soft skills, and their overall ability to close more sales? That is exactly what I do. Don’t blame the economy! I can show you how to grow your sales and increase your business – whatever business you are in – and whatever the economy.
I discovered the SECRET for increasing AND sustaining sales. When I worked as an account executive, I regularly exceeded my sales goals by more than 150%! Imagine if everyone on YOUR team could do that!
The Secret to Increasing Sales is Building Relationships
How did I do it? If you want your sales executives to discover what I know, then bring me in to speak at your next meeting. I can assure you, it’s all about the RELATIONSHIPS your team will be able to build over time.
Get this: whenever I speak on sales, I ask my audiences if they have a business near their homes – a drugstore, a restaurant, a salon; but, instead of patronizing this convenient establishment, I ask if they get in their cars and drive 15 – 20 minutes to a LESS CONVENIENT business because they prefer how they are treated there. The answer is ALWAYS 100% “YES!”
The reason for this is because PEOPLE PREFER TO DO BUSINESS WITH PEOPLE THEY LIKE!
I am a Business Relationship Expert, an Award-winning Author and one of the most entertaining speakers you’ll ever hear. My engaging, fun programs are filled with tips and techniques that your team can implement IMMEDIATELY to increase sales and improve their business. Email me today – Robin at RobinJay.com – and I’ll share countless testimonials with you from satisfied clients. Call or email me today. It’s not too late to make up lost ground in 2013!
Dying for a Great Business Lunch?
I just had to share. I spoke recently for HP in Southern California, to a wonderful group of their printer resellers and partners. One of the guests was really inspired. Really. Working with Cristine McMillan at NetQuest and Eileen Angel with HP was a great experience. They encourage a fun, creative environment. And, they do a LOT to build solid relationships with their HP partners. Their guests enjoyed a fabulous lunch at Fleming’s during my presentation.
Carol decorated her cubicle with a business lunch fit for even the oldest executives!
I was so grateful when they forwarded these photos of Carol McAloney, an HP IPG Champion, who took my message to heart this Halloween. I guess there is NEVER a bad time for a great business lunch! I was only upset that as the QUEEN of the Business Lunch, I didn’t think of this first! Great job, Carol – I will remember this forever.
Check out the photos closely and you’ll see this happy couple is dining on roasted cockroach, finger-ling potatoes, (made with real fingers!), blood red wine, and the table is adorned with black roses. Of course, my book – “The Art of the Business Lunch, Building Relationships Between 12 and 2″ – is handy in case the mr. or ms. need to quick-check their etiquette!
It’s incredible that several people to whom I showed this photograph said, “I think I’ve eaten in that restaurant….the service is SO SLOW!” Hilarious. Here’s a close up of the fabulous business lunch for two.
Special thanks to Carol, Eileen, and Cristine. It’s a pleasure to work with such CREATIVE, imaginative, and fun professionals! Hope everyone had a Happy Halloween!
Ever felt like service was THIS slow?
More Answers to Big Business Lunch Questions
A LOT Can Go Wrong at a Business Lunch: Being Prepared Will Help
As I wrote in my last post, I spoke recently for HP in Southern California. I was brought in to speak because my clients appreciate the importance of doing a business lunch the right way. Whether you’ve been on more than 3,000 client lunches (like I have) or you’re just starting out, it is important that you feel comfortable and confident. This can come from knowing what to avoid or how to handle certain situations.
During the meal, I asked the printer resellers and distributors to try to “Stump the Speaker / Shock the Speaker.” I wanted to offer my BEST advice for their WORST situations. I haven’t been stumped yet because most challenges or problems that come up at business lunches are more common than people think, but I definitely heard some great stories and thought-provoking questions.
I asked our guests 1) what was the worst thing that EVER happened to them at a business lunch, 2) how they might have better handled the situation, and 3) to share anything they might have trouble with – in general – along the way.
I found it interesting that most people offered their OWN suggestions as to how they might have better handled a particular situation. I think most of us tend to “hash & rehash” those awful moments in our minds. Seems we’d ALL like “a ticket to ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda.’” My mantra is “be prepared,” but things can happen fast when at a business lunch. If you’re with a big client, you might be nervous. And then, there are just a LOT of things that can go wrong. We’re people – not robots – and we have emotions, as well as million thoughts a day. Hindsight is always 20/20. 
Good judgment – unfortunately – comes from bad experience.
Here are some of the best stories from last week:
Shannon said that a client dumped coffee in his lap. HOT coffee. YIKES! As to what he would do differently? He would not have ordered coffee for the table! THAT was easy! And, I can add this little tip:
IF YOU KNOW that your client likes something you don’t care for – such as alcohol, dessert, or sushi, bring someone from your office as a “buffer.” That way, your client won’t have to drink alone (and YOU of course will be Designated Driver!), YOU won’t have to try to find cooked entrees at a sushi bar, or you won’t have to see your morning workout get annulled by a giant slice of cake you forced down just because your client wanted dessert! Bringing a coworker (or boss) can be a very wise move, especially when you know your client is going to want something you don’t care for.
One executive ended up in a restaurant that was too noisy. We’ve ALL been to restaurants that are USUALLY just fine for a business lunch, but on the day WE are there, there is a baby shower going on at the next table or some other type of large, noisy party. We can’t prepare for EVERY distraction, but try asking your maitre d’ for a quiet table when you make your reservation. (Of COURSE you are going to make a reservation!)
NEVER Pay for a Business Lunch with CASH!
One of my guests asked, “What if your client wants to pay for lunch?” I went into great detail in my book on how to avoid that situation by slipping your credit card to your server the moment you are seated. Not only does that help to avoid the fight over the check, but it also identifies YOU as the host of that party. This is an especially helpful tip for women when taking men to lunch. In many restaurants, servers still tend to give the check to the man. Ladies – take note! And you definitely want to pay for lunch with a credit card. Paying with cash can create a sort of “Let’s all chip in” or “Can I get the tip” atmosphere.
Alcohol … excessive alcohol, that is, … is the #1 cause of distress at business lunches! People have too much to drink or they are simply drinking a little on an empty stomach. Either way, they get drunk and it’s not long before their behavior gets sloppy. Chris said he brought a sales executive with him to a client lunch. The executive had too much to drink – and Chris ended up having the VP of his company call the client to apologize. I believe there is no quicker way to LOSE YOUR JOB than by getting drunk in front of clients. TAKE IT EASY!
It’s not a sin to eat a little something before you go. And – if you are attending a mixer at 5PM and lunch was at noon, you WILL BE drinking on an empty stomach. Park yourself by the food table when you first arrive. Remedy the situation. THEN, you’ll be free to mix and mingle with a drink in your hand without ending up on the floor! Besides, it’s impossible to eat, drink, AND hand out business cards! I keep a bag of nuts in my car, just in case I get hungry in the middle of the day or for any other time I’m not able to grab a quick bite.
How can you stop someone from drinking too much? This is a bit touchy, but it’s a great chance to collaborate with your server. Excuse yourself to the restroom, find your server, and tell them to CUT OFF the supply of alcohol to your client! Let them be the bad guy. They can also cut someone’s drink enough to render it fairly harmless. If you suspect your client may be on their way to getting drunk, order appetizers and get your server involved. Have them weaken the drinks so you’ll have the chance to get your client to eat. And NEXT TIME, invite that client out to breakfast. It will be a lot easier for them to stop drinking if they never get started.
Lastly, if you slip and fall, injuring only your pride, just stand up, brush yourself off, and carry on! I always ask if ANYONE in the room has NEVER spilled a drink. I’ve yet to see a hand go up. We are human, floors are slippery. Don’t wear shoes you can’t walk in – THAT should help slightly. Then, watch your step. I’m not saying you’ll never fall again, but being prepared WILL help!
I want to send out special thanks to everyone that I got to meet in OC. I’m here for you if any other questions come to mind. And if YOU have a situation for which you would like to have my opinion or my advice, just ask!
How Much Love Can You Share?
I’m fortunate to work in the field of personal development because I can get away with spreading love, joy, and positive messages without raising too many eyebrows. Even if others don’t EXPECT me to be a bit “over the top” … they certainly aren’t surprised when they get to experience a little unexpected “love” or appreciation.
Does LOVE have a place in business?
By sharing the love, I simply mean spreading positive energy – whether that means signing an email with “Love, Robin” or “I love how you’re wearing your hair,” or “I love when we get to meet for lunch!”
Is it appropriate to sign an email, “Much love”? Definitely, if you are writing to friends. But what about when you are writing to a business associate, client, or coworker? What is too much? Can you share the joy and let people know just how much you care about them – even if your relationship is relatively new? And, if you’re dealing with someone you DON’T like as much, can sharing some love help to soften their edges?
I think the answer lies in your own comfort zone. Ask yourself how YOU would feel if someone signed an email to you the same way YOU want to sign YOUR emails. In dealing with the EXPERTS who are going to appear in the movie I’m producing, “The Keeper of the Keys,” I often sign my emails with “Much love” or “Sending Love Your Way.”
My friend Julie Neil used to sign all her e-mails (from work) “Hugs, Julie”. Guess what? Whenever I saw her, I got a hug. I knew when she signed her e-mails “Hugs” – she meant it! I ran into her recently at Trader Joe’s and – you guessed it – I got a great hug. Love you, Julie. And I loved all those sweet hugs – even when we were negotiating dollars and advertising schedules. Julie was a master at spreading and sharing the LOVE!
I admit I am MUCH MORE reserved with new, conservative relationships. But it usually doesn’t take long before I’m sharing and caring. Once I feel comfortable, and I believe you will appreciate it, I’ll send some love your way. As Jackie DeShannon sang, “What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.”
Even if you have to be a bit more formal or reserved, you can still share love and joy as you go about your day. Offer compliments instead of criticisms. Offer a helping hand instead of complaining. Smile. Give hugs or hearty handshakes. And be sure to tell people just how much you appreciate them. You never know how long they will be here.
NOTE: I lost a friend yesterday – Randy Fleitz. His death from a heart attack was unexpected; he ran on the treadmill regularly and stayed in shape. We golfed together a few times – in charity tournaments and for business. He was hilarious. I can picture him on the links and can remember most of his funny comments.
Randy was my client, first at the Golden Nugget, then later at the Mirage. By the time we’d done a promotional ad campaign, we were friends. A round of golf cemented that. After I retired from selling advertising, I would see him occasionally around town.
Randy was younger than I. He had a family. I always knew him to be a VERY hard-working professional. And he was KIND – a fairly RARE quality among high-pressured casino executives. I remember about 15 years ago (or was it more like 18?), my step-brother James was visiting from Ohio. We sat at CPK/Mirage having lunch. Randy happened to come by. After introducing him to James, we spoke for a bit and then he went about his business.
James ate his lunch while he watched Agassi play tennis. He was mesmerized by the wide assortment of sporting events that filled the monitors in the sports book a few feet away. James said, “There is NOTHING like this in Cleveland!” (a line I often shared with my clients; we needed to remember how our fabulous strip is seen in the eyes of our visitors!) But that paled in comparison to how impressed he was when we discovered our lunch had been comped. James thought his big sister was really a big cheese, since I was friends with a boss at the Mirage. 
Randy, I’ll never forget that kindness.
I hope you have a tee time with your dad this week, and I hope you play well. You will be dearly missed by many here. Much love to you Randy, much love.
Cheap Client Gifts They’ll Treasure
With the holidays approaching, business professionals everywhere are wondering how they are going to get through the season without going broke – especially at the end of a year that was, for many, anything but ROBUST. Fear not, my friends, I have some simple, affordable solutions.
Great Gift: A Thoughtful Photo in an Appropriate Frame
First choice: a photo of you with your client in a fab picture frame! Not only is it thoughtful, but your client will get to see your pretty face sitting on their desk or credenza – at least be reminded of a fun time. C’mon, you have a camera on your phone, don’t you? Next time you are taking your client to lunch – or even in a conference room or their office for a meeting, whip out your cell and snap a close up of the two you laughing. If you play golf with your client – a photo of you together on the course is IDEAL!
Need some CHEAP (ahem…I mean AFFORDABLE) frames? Try T.J. Maxx or Home Goods. They have TONS of frames – everything from business/leather to seashells to “Girls Night Out” – and they are mostly under $10. Imagine being able to give TEN clients customized, thoughtful gifts for less than $100!!!
(Okay, to be PERFECTLY HONEST, it will run a little more by the time you splurge on glossy printing paper, toner, and gift wrap – but compared to buying lavish gifts like massages or Mont Blanc pens – like I USED to – this gift is crazy cheap and super thoughtful.) Oh – and BTW – I get my toner and paper and MOST of my office supplies on Ebay for savings that make me wonder why office supply stores are still in business!
If you’re like me and fancy yourself a bit of a “Martha Stewart” (ie: Creative, love to cook, etc.), the
Even Grocery Store Cookies Look Amazing When Served on a Pedestal
possibilities are endless. Here’s a gem of an idea: Drop off a gourmet treat (home baked or store bought) on a beautiful serving platter. Even grocery store treats will look scrumptious when they are offered on an elegant cake plate or crystal dish. This is also a SUPER hostess gift idea! Your client (or hostess) gets to keep the wonderful serving platter (or dish or stand) AND enjoy a yummy treat. I have found extraordinary serving pieces at the discount home shops around town.
At parties, a hostess will say “Let me clean the serving piece you brought so you can take it home.” I reply, “No, that’s for YOU, for being such an outstanding hostess!” They get to KEEP the platter – and they will think of you EVERY TIME THEY USE IT!
Try to find gifts that are “sticky” – in other words, something that your client will want to hang on to. If
Hats with Logos are Always a HIT!
they are a sports fan, score some logo’d merchandise for them. You don’t have to go into a sports memorabilia store for a signed photo or limited edition item. If they love golf, you can pick up a logo’d hat or visor for less than $20. If they love football, get them a coffee mug with their team logo. (This is a great idea – UNLESS you’re client is a fan of the Cleveland Browns. I’m from
The Cleveland Browns - Great Fans, Lousy Logo!
Cleveland, so please forgive me for saying this, but WHERE is our logo? Brown is just a COLOR – ya know? We don’t have a dolphin, a bear, a patriot, or even a star! We don’t have Bengal strips or ram horns. The Browns are just brown & orange. Really? It doesn’t matter; they have some of the greatest FANS in the history of the game!)
Your client won’t care WHAT you give them – IF it’s promoting their team, favorite athlete, or activity. It’s the THOUGHT that counts – and logo’d merchandise is incredibly thoughtful.
By now, you’re getting the picture. THINK about what your client enjoys (yes, that takes a BIT of effort!) If they are female, don’t risk personal items such as perfume or pocketbooks. If they travel, a travel alarm clock is a great choice – or even fancy luggage tags! Business books are great, too, especially for the executive on the rise. How about a book on Etiquette? As a speaker who touches on that subject, I can assure you that most people would LOVE to have the dos and don’ts when it comes to etiquette. And so on. The possibilities for giving a wonderful gift are not tied to your pocketbook or wallet. Just get creative and – in a pinch – you can always ask their assistant where a person’s outside interests lie.
Last but not least, you could send your clients a notice that you are writing and posting a recommendation for them on Linked In. This does not cost you a dime – just some of your time. Imagine getting a note from a vendor or associate that reads: “You’ve been so amazing to work with this past year that, in the spirit of holiday giving, I am giving you a recommendation on Linked In. I will also be making a donation in your name to _____ (list your charity here).” Isn’t that incredibly thoughtful? You can make a single donation to your favorite charity and rather than shop and go crazy, just spend a few quite evenings writing recommendations for your clients.
Here is a brief video about a response I got a few weeks ago after deciding to post a Linked In recommendation for a colleague. Happy Holidays!
When Paying for Dinner Becomes a Nightmare…
I had a nightmare last night and I bet you’ve had one that is similar. I dreamed I was at 
dinner with friends – some old friends and a few new ones. The restaurant was noisy – probably not the best choice for a relaxed dinner and conversation, especially when our goal was to get to know each other better.
I’d taken pains to tell everyone (through e-mail) that we had a special guest and that we would all chip in to take care of his meal. The five of us ordered. Some had drinks, some did not. Some ate full meals, some ate salads. The time flew.
Our guest of honor – who is fascinating and tells some of the best stories – hardly got a chance to share his story! Everyone kept interrupting, stories trailed off, the server came by with interruptions in the course of the dinner, and our attempt to go around the table and share our stories never even made it full circle. It was chaotic, but it was still okay as there was never a split second of awkward silence.
As “The Queen of the Business Lunch”, I’ve often had people tell me that they would be too intimidated to eat with me. This makes me laugh. They hold me to a higher standard, thinking I know all the ins and outs of socializing. What they don’t realize is that I’m human, too, and make many mistakes. That is one of the reasons I wrote “The Art of the Business Lunch” - why should we ALL have to make the same mistakes when, instead, you could learn from all the mistakes I’VE made without having to make them yourself?!?
It’s true, I do know more than the average person about etiquette – particularly business etiquette. Being able to execute it, however, can still be challenging. I speak on business etiquette, how to make lively conversation, and even on how to handle the check discreetly. This is particularly helpful when taking clients out. Unfortunately, group events where it’s “each man for himself” still leave me dazed and confused.
In business, I always say that whoever does the inviting should pick up the check. Often times, in order to avoid an embarrassing situation, I’ll pick up a check that is not mine to pick up. One such example happened when I was printing my first book.
My original, self-published book
A printer invited me to lunch. He stood to make a good deal of money off of me. We had a nice lunch and then the check came. And it sat there…and sat there. Finally, I said, “Well, let’s see what we have here.” The printer reached for his wallet and said, “Oh here…let me…get the tip.” HUH? Did he get my printing business? What do you think! He lost a sale for thousands of dollars simply because he invited me to lunch and failed to pick up the check.
But like last night’s conversation, I digress. Back to the dream…
Paying for Dinner - It Doesn't HAVE to Be a Disaster!
The check finally came and it was put in front of me. $235. How was that possible when no one ate anything (or so it seemed!) I attempted to split it five ways. Our guest of honor immediately tossed in $40 – and I forgot that the rest of us had agreed he was to be our guest. One of the new friends said, “I didn’t have anything to drink,” and another friend said, “I didn’t have anything to eat,” though she shared a bottle of wine and had an order of fries AND would have put in extra to cover our guest. And with a built-in gratuity and 8% sales tax, it’s easy for people to miscalculate what they actually owe. Oh – and there was a lovely mix of cash and credit cards to make things even worse!
As I said, I am human – and I panicked! Yes, it can happen. It was late, I was tired, I’d had a glass of wine with dinner and a cocktail before that, so I just wasn’t as sharp as I could have been. No one chipped in the extra, earlier agreed upon money to cover our guest. And another friend who knew we were “going Dutch” but didn’t know we were trying to pick up our guest’s meal, was the only one who ordered a full meal, a cocktail, and shared the bottle of wine, did not put in even enough to cover his share.
BUT THIS IS ALL BESIDE THE POINT! You must NEVER get into a “you had this and she had that” scenario!!! It’s not just a nightmare, but it makes everyone uncomfortable. SO – when people do not pay what they should, what is the solution? The solution is to avoid that situation to begin with!
After waking up with my “nightmare” still fresh in my mind, feeling positively dreadful over how things were settled, I started out today by asking some of my expert sources what they would have done and how they might have handled this. My favorite response was from Phil Robertson, a marketing expert who has experienced similar “nightmare” experiences. Phil said the very best way to handle this is from the moment you sit down together at the table.
Phil said you get everyone’s attention and say, “We are here this evening to get to know and honor our special guest. We are going to split the check evenly – so order whatever you want.” That way, everyone knows going in that they must “pay to play.” They will have a special evening and they will eat and drink what they want (or not), and they will come away enriched and entertained. It’s not about the dinner – it’s about the RELATIONSHIPS!
The reason I like Phil’s suggestion so much is that it not only resolves the whole chaotic scene at the end of the meal, but it also HONORS your guest in the clearest, most upfront way – making them FEEL SPECIAL – which is what I speak on ALL THE TIME! It’s critically important to make others feel special. Not only does Phil’s suggestion single out your guest and make them feel special, but it also makes the REST of the guests there feel special – since they get to share in a special evening. SPECIAL, SPECIAL, SPECIAL – are you seeing a pattern here?
I doubt our guest felt very honored last night, other than by the fact that we showed up. Not only that, but he hardly had a chance to speak at all! Again, a noisy restaurant, interruptions all around, and five type-A personalities can make it hard to get a word in. What a wasted opportunity, hence – a dream dinner became a nightmare. Has this ever happened to you?
At this point, I’m in full damage-control mode. Our guest is in for a special treat – which I am currently working on. I don’t want him to think for a minute that he isn’t special; he is. If he wasn’t, I wouldn’t be the wreck I am today.
One of the other messages I always share is to follow the Scout’s motto: Be Prepared. It’s not surprising that the solution to this situation lies in being prepared – making an announcement, avoiding the situation to begin with. Success expert Napoleon Hill said, “In every adversity, there lies the seed of greater advantage.” I have a new story for my presentations, I uncovered great advice for others (since I’m not the ONLY person this happens to), and hopefully, my guest will know the depth of concern for him and his feelings by this self-deprecating blog.
On the bright side, being able to learn from our mistakes makes us that much sharper and savvy the NEXT time we encounter an opportunity to grow.
Etiquette FUN for Client Lunches OR Dinner with Friends
Louise and Barry Berlin share a laugh with me at a big restaurant opening recently.
I had a few friends over for dinner last night, including my friends Barry and Louise Berlin. Louise asked if it is okay to use your bread as a “pusher” – as in using it to push the salad onto your fork.
She was surprised when I ran to my bookshelf to retrieve my copy of “Etiquette for Dummies.” I explained that I went to a source because while I was quite certain I knew the answer, I really wanted to be sure … and when it comes to this particular question, I remembered that there are actually several different answers! That’s the thing about etiquette – different behaviors apply to different situations. MOST of these variations are simply based on the differences between formal and casual settings; bread as a pusher is no exception!
I was able to share with Louise and another friend, Edy, that in a CASUAL setting, it’s okay to use your bread as a PUSHER! BUT – in a more formal setting, it is not. No wonder I couldn’t remember!
Pick up a copy and be sure you're on the right track!
It’s funny to me that many people are often too intimidated to dine with me. I try to put them at ease by explaining that I was only able to write my book, “The Art of the Business Lunch” because I had already made every mistake there is to make; why not learn from my experiences? Why must we make every mistake ourselves? But I do know a lot when it comes to etiquette … I even speak on it!
So, where does the FUN come in? We started reading all about bread at the dinner table – how to pass it (to the right), how to take a slice (using the napkin to hold the loaf while you tear off a slice), and how you must put butter on your dish and then butter your bread; never take butter directly from the community plate and put it on your bread.
I think it’s fascinating to read about etiquette and discover all the little nuances that add grace to a client lunch or business dinner. If you’ve ever wondered about exactly what to do, pick up a copy of an etiquette book. You’ll really find it enjoyable and some of the tips are sure to surprise you!