When Paying for Dinner Becomes a Nightmare…
I had a nightmare last night and I bet you’ve had one that is similar. I dreamed I was at 
dinner with friends – some old friends and a few new ones. The restaurant was noisy – probably not the best choice for a relaxed dinner and conversation, especially when our goal was to get to know each other better.
I’d taken pains to tell everyone (through e-mail) that we had a special guest and that we would all chip in to take care of his meal. The five of us ordered. Some had drinks, some did not. Some ate full meals, some ate salads. The time flew.
Our guest of honor – who is fascinating and tells some of the best stories – hardly got a chance to share his story! Everyone kept interrupting, stories trailed off, the server came by with interruptions in the course of the dinner, and our attempt to go around the table and share our stories never even made it full circle. It was chaotic, but it was still okay as there was never a split second of awkward silence.
As “The Queen of the Business Lunch”, I’ve often had people tell me that they would be too intimidated to eat with me. This makes me laugh. They hold me to a higher standard, thinking I know all the ins and outs of socializing. What they don’t realize is that I’m human, too, and make many mistakes. That is one of the reasons I wrote “The Art of the Business Lunch” - why should we ALL have to make the same mistakes when, instead, you could learn from all the mistakes I’VE made without having to make them yourself?!?
It’s true, I do know more than the average person about etiquette – particularly business etiquette. Being able to execute it, however, can still be challenging. I speak on business etiquette, how to make lively conversation, and even on how to handle the check discreetly. This is particularly helpful when taking clients out. Unfortunately, group events where it’s “each man for himself” still leave me dazed and confused.
In business, I always say that whoever does the inviting should pick up the check. Often times, in order to avoid an embarrassing situation, I’ll pick up a check that is not mine to pick up. One such example happened when I was printing my first book.
My original, self-published book
A printer invited me to lunch. He stood to make a good deal of money off of me. We had a nice lunch and then the check came. And it sat there…and sat there. Finally, I said, “Well, let’s see what we have here.” The printer reached for his wallet and said, “Oh here…let me…get the tip.” HUH? Did he get my printing business? What do you think! He lost a sale for thousands of dollars simply because he invited me to lunch and failed to pick up the check.
But like last night’s conversation, I digress. Back to the dream…
Paying for Dinner - It Doesn't HAVE to Be a Disaster!
The check finally came and it was put in front of me. $235. How was that possible when no one ate anything (or so it seemed!) I attempted to split it five ways. Our guest of honor immediately tossed in $40 – and I forgot that the rest of us had agreed he was to be our guest. One of the new friends said, “I didn’t have anything to drink,” and another friend said, “I didn’t have anything to eat,” though she shared a bottle of wine and had an order of fries AND would have put in extra to cover our guest. And with a built-in gratuity and 8% sales tax, it’s easy for people to miscalculate what they actually owe. Oh – and there was a lovely mix of cash and credit cards to make things even worse!
As I said, I am human – and I panicked! Yes, it can happen. It was late, I was tired, I’d had a glass of wine with dinner and a cocktail before that, so I just wasn’t as sharp as I could have been. No one chipped in the extra, earlier agreed upon money to cover our guest. And another friend who knew we were “going Dutch” but didn’t know we were trying to pick up our guest’s meal, was the only one who ordered a full meal, a cocktail, and shared the bottle of wine, did not put in even enough to cover his share.
BUT THIS IS ALL BESIDE THE POINT! You must NEVER get into a “you had this and she had that” scenario!!! It’s not just a nightmare, but it makes everyone uncomfortable. SO – when people do not pay what they should, what is the solution? The solution is to avoid that situation to begin with!
After waking up with my “nightmare” still fresh in my mind, feeling positively dreadful over how things were settled, I started out today by asking some of my expert sources what they would have done and how they might have handled this. My favorite response was from Phil Robertson, a marketing expert who has experienced similar “nightmare” experiences. Phil said the very best way to handle this is from the moment you sit down together at the table.
Phil said you get everyone’s attention and say, “We are here this evening to get to know and honor our special guest. We are going to split the check evenly – so order whatever you want.” That way, everyone knows going in that they must “pay to play.” They will have a special evening and they will eat and drink what they want (or not), and they will come away enriched and entertained. It’s not about the dinner – it’s about the RELATIONSHIPS!
The reason I like Phil’s suggestion so much is that it not only resolves the whole chaotic scene at the end of the meal, but it also HONORS your guest in the clearest, most upfront way – making them FEEL SPECIAL – which is what I speak on ALL THE TIME! It’s critically important to make others feel special. Not only does Phil’s suggestion single out your guest and make them feel special, but it also makes the REST of the guests there feel special – since they get to share in a special evening. SPECIAL, SPECIAL, SPECIAL – are you seeing a pattern here?
I doubt our guest felt very honored last night, other than by the fact that we showed up. Not only that, but he hardly had a chance to speak at all! Again, a noisy restaurant, interruptions all around, and five type-A personalities can make it hard to get a word in. What a wasted opportunity, hence – a dream dinner became a nightmare. Has this ever happened to you?
At this point, I’m in full damage-control mode. Our guest is in for a special treat – which I am currently working on. I don’t want him to think for a minute that he isn’t special; he is. If he wasn’t, I wouldn’t be the wreck I am today.
One of the other messages I always share is to follow the Scout’s motto: Be Prepared. It’s not surprising that the solution to this situation lies in being prepared – making an announcement, avoiding the situation to begin with. Success expert Napoleon Hill said, “In every adversity, there lies the seed of greater advantage.” I have a new story for my presentations, I uncovered great advice for others (since I’m not the ONLY person this happens to), and hopefully, my guest will know the depth of concern for him and his feelings by this self-deprecating blog.
On the bright side, being able to learn from our mistakes makes us that much sharper and savvy the NEXT time we encounter an opportunity to grow.
I’ll Be Speaking @ PCMA Meeting This Week!
Professional Convention Management Association Chapter Meeting, 10/7
Thursday morning, October 7th, I’ll be speaking at the Southwestern/Pacific chapter meeting of PCMA: Professional Convention Management Association. I’d like to send special thanks to Gina Mann at the Las Vegas Convention Vistors Authority for recommending me as this month’s speaker. The breakfast will be held at the South Point Hotel & Casino at 8AM.
I’ll be presenting “B FACE 2 FACE 4 SUCCESS” - a 60-minute keynote presentation on building EFFECTIVE & PRODUCTIVE business relationships that will include suggestions that you will be able to implement IMMEDIATELY to increase your sales and improve your bottom line. This presentation is built upon the lessons I discovered while building relationships during my sales career, which I shared in my first book, “The Art of the Business Lunch: Building Relationships Between 12 and 2.” My experience during nearly 20 years of sales and my ability to build such incredible relationships is why my clients started calling me “The Queen of the Business Lunch”.
A strong ability to build relationships can assure your success – whatever field you are in. WHY? Because PEOPLE PREFER TO DO BUSINESS WITH PEOPLE THEY LIKE! Your parents were wrong: success in life actually IS a popularity contest! After all – who wants to hang out with or do business with people they DON’T LIKE?! When you look at it this way, it makes sense: to succeed, you need to develop your PEOPLE SKILLS.
People have choices – and when it comes to business, they are even more likely to take advantage of their options … especially in THIS competitive environment. No business decision is ever JUST about price!
When I deliver this presentation, I ask my audiences for a show of hands to
The feedback I get when presenting supports my doctrine: PEOPLE PREFER TO DO BUSINESS WITH PEOPLE THEY LIKE!
indicate how many people REGULARLY go OUT OF THEIR WAY to patronize a particular business because they PREFER how they are treated at the more inconvenient location than at a similar business closer to their homes. I ALWAYS get 100% response! That supports my point: your people skills can improve your business or destroy it. It’s not that hard to build solid, productive business relationships. I’ll be sharing tips and techniques so that you, too, can become a Business Relationship Expert! Hope to see you there.
Business Relationships RULE!
Gary is ON IT!
I just got a tweet from Mari Smith about Gary Vaynerchuk’s new book, “The Thank You Economy” - which is not even due out until March 8th, 2011. I read the following description on Amazon – where the book is already doing phenomenally well. His last book, “Crush It’ hasn’t even cooled down yet. And – surprisingly – Gary is the VIDEO guy! He said the only reason he’s writing books is because PEOPLE READ THEM! Gary Vee is just too cool. So – here is the description of his new book (which doesn’t even have cover artwork yet!):
The Thank You Economy isn’t some abstract concept or wacky business strategy. It’s the way we buy and sell, the way we’re interacting as consumers, as employees, as entrepreneurs on all levels, right now. The way our marketplace functions has been evolving right before our eyes. Top-down, one-way exchanges are gone, replaced by relationships based on open, honest, and constant communication between customers and business.
Today, individuals and brands that out-care and out-love their competition – those emphasizing quality, value, responsiveness, and attention to detail, among other essentials – see the biggest returns.
Gary Vaynerchuk contends that the people and companies harnessing the word-of-mouth power provided by multiplatform media – those that can shift their outlook and operations to be more customer-aware and fan-friendly – will pull away from the pack and profit in today’s markets.
In “The Thank You Economy”, he dissects the companies on the leading edge, showing how they are succeeding – and sometimes failing. Laying out the ideas and insight that support this enormous change, Vaynerchuk explores these emerging connections – from consumer to consumer and business to business and everything in between. Passionate and persuasive, he reminds us that surviving and thriving today takes more than just hard work-it takes a heartfelt thanks to those who make it possible.
SO - WHAT can I add to THAT? Not much – except that I’ve been preaching this philosophy for years. Gary just has a bigger following and he’s more outrageous – so he draws a bigger crowd. But the truth is this: To succeed in business today, you need to CONNECT – on a DEEP level – with your clients.
Keith Ferrazzi wrote about this in his startling book, “Who’s Got Your Back?” He said opening up, showing a bit of your vulnerability and speaking with candor can work wonders not just for your business -but for your LIFE!
We tend to present ourselves as we want others to see us, but that’s not the best way to function anymore. People crave REAL, people want AUTHENTIC. They want to know WHO they are doing business with and they want THE REAL McCOY … and it’s okay if you are not SUPERMAN or WONDERWOMAN! Sure, you need to be effective and able to deliver – but people are sick of insincere, one-sided salespeople or pitches. BE REAL – be gracious, be sincere.
FORBES Insights: Executives Prefer Face-to-Face Meetings
Executives PREFER Face-to-Face Meetings
FORBES Insights‘ latest report shows that executives prefer face-to-face meetings. Wow – As “The Queen of the Business Lunch,” I could not have put that better myself. The reasons why they preferred IN PERSON, face-to-face meetings? There is no comparison:
- To build STRONGER, more MEANINGFUL business relationships (85%)
- Ability to read body language and facial expressions (77%)
- More social interaction, ability to bond with co-workers/clients (75%)
- Allow for more complex strategic thinking (49%)
- Better environment for tough, timely decision-making (44%)
Complaints about technology-enabled meetings were that they often resulted in disruption and delays. The ONLY reasons anyone said they preferred technology-assisted meetings were bottom-line, such as saving time, money, or location flexibility.The choice is yours: STRONGER, MORE PRODUCTIVE business meetings or technical difficulties?
As a Business Relationship Expert, I discovered a long time ago that those relationships that were built over a business lunch, an outstanding networking event, or even a round of golf lasted forever. We bonded. Apparently, I’m not the only successful executive who knows that, although I may be the only one who wrote a book about building business relationships over lunch (“The Art of the Business Lunch: Building Relationships Between 12 and 2″).
A compromise can be reached, too, by holding smaller meetings with an assist from technology. But to build long-lasting, solid business relationships, seize some face time!
BTW, the Ritz-Carlton weighed in on the report to reach out to business travelers by offering “Meetings Within Reach,” a value-added opportunity for organizers of on-site seminars, executive retreats, and other corporate events. Their message is “It’s not extravagant IF it produces results.” I’d like to give special thanks to Bruce Himelstein, Ritz-Carlton’s senior vice president of sales & marketing. He acknowledged that technology can never replace the “traditional methods of dealing with people in person…” I rest my case … there is NO Substitute for QUALITY “Face time.”
Notice: I am currently seeking annual contracts with companies who would like to send me out to speak to their clients on the importance of quality face time and how to build productive business relationships. E-mail me to explore the possibilities.
Being “The Queen of the Business Lunch”
Even a "Queen" needs a new logo once in a while!
I often get asked about my nickname, “The Queen of the Business Lunch.” It’s been years since I wrote the award-winning book “The Art of the Business Lunch: Building Relationships Between 12 and 2″ and even longer since I earned my nickname. I thought since I just got a new logo, I would take this opportunity to share some of my business lunch tips and business relationship expertise.
First, the nickname. It came about as a combination of many things. The nature of my business was such that I merely needed to stay in touch with many of my clients. Once I sold them, they were sold, so I didn’t need to do any more convincing. By the nature of my work, all I could do was take them out to lunch, build my relationships, keep them up-to-date on what was going on with my business and our industry, their industry, and so on. What better way to do this than over lunch?
I took great care of my clients, and since I had so many of them, I would book lunches weeks in advance. This of course meant that I, too, was booked weeks out. Friends in the business would call me to book lunch. “How about next Tuesday.” “Can’t…I’m booked already.” You can imagine how long it would take to find a “free” day!
It wasn’t unusual for me to be booked as much as three or four weeks out. And THAT is when the name calling started. My peers would tease me and say, “You don’t really work … You are just the Queen of the Business Lunch!” I took great offense at this, at first! I worked VERY hard. It’s never easy to make something LOOK easy. Of course my friend were just teasing. They knew how much business I was booking and that it didn’t happen by itself.
That is why I wrote “The Art of the Business Lunch.” I had hosted more than 3,000 client lunches (do that math – at a conservative 4x a week (considering business breakfasts, mixers, and lunches combined), times 52 weeks a year, times 18 years…) and I saw my sales increase by more than 2,000%! I knew I was on to something. I wanted to share my Business Relationship Expertise with business professionals everywhere.
Here are some quick tips:
- Always make a reservation.
- Don’t skip lunch; if you’re crunched for time, meet your clients for breakfast! You’ll save money, too.
- Prepare for casual conversation. Avoid awkward silence by knowing a little about a lot.
- Choose a restaurant with a great menu, lots of selections, and a medium price – unless it’s a special occasion.
- If you can wait, don’t bring up the subject of business until AFTER everyone has eaten. We tend to be more receptive to new ideas on a full stomach.
For more tips, click the RSS link to subscribe to my blog, or click the products menu button at www.RobinJay.com or Amazon.com to order “The Art of the Business Lunch.” Remember – how you behave while at a business lunch can MAKE or BREAK a deal! Don’t risk it – stack the deck in your favor by being prepared.
WHY is the Business Lunch SO IMPORTANT? Watch this quick video to discover the answer….
Mad Men Returns; Time to Entertain Clients Again!
MAD MEN: Entertaining Clients is SO COOL!
Those of us who need a big, delicious fix of Don Draper and his entourage will finally get it when season 4 of MAD MEN premieres on AMC TV July 25th. Of course “The Queen of the Business Lunch™” will be watching to see how the development of the new start-up, Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce, progresses and how they go about romancing all the clients away from their former agency, Sterling Cooper. I anticipate that as the MAD MEN get busy romancing clients, there will be many business lunches and cocktails consumed over the course of the new season.
A visit to the MAD MEN website reveals everything you need to know about what has ALREADY happened on the show; there are few spoilers, if any. But, what you WILL find are recipes for 1960’s cocktails, blogs, fashions from the ’60′s, and even furniture from the era that gave birth to modern advertising. My background in advertising makes every scene that much more delightful, but my career as “The Queen of the Business Lunch™” makes me eat up every scene that has to do with socializing with clients.
In spite of the apparent “glamour” associated with the 3-martini “Power Lunch” and smoking cigarettes, be forewarned: it is NOT cool to get drunk in front of clients! Just ask Freddy Rumsen. Peggy Olson now occupies poor Freddy’s office and drinks from his private bar. It seems society expects us to be able to enjoy a drink or two, but that we should never let our liquor get the better of us. I can’t wait to see Peggy invited to join in on a client lunch. I think her character would bring a lot to “The Art of the Business Lunch”!
Client lunches are so much more sedate these days! Drinking in the middle of the day is typically frowned upon. Drinking in your office is almost never heard of. Yet we need to take our clients out to lunch and build solid relationships with them. We need to seize every opportunity for quality face time. Watch these MAD MEN get in trouble, as I’m SURE they will, and remind yourself that socializing with clients is as important as ever, but you need to take it easy.
MAD MEN is as tasty a treat as it gets. We now know so much more than we did back in the 1960′s. Too much booze will ruin your life, smoking is hazardous to your health, spanking your secretary on the bum will get you sued for sexual harassment, and we need to wear our seat belts. Perhaps our coming of age and today’s era of knowing better – and having better ways of networking - is just what makes this show so decadent.
Successful Entrepreneur Panel & Book Signing: Sat. 6/26
Join me, Sat. June 26th, to discover how YOU, too, can become a successful entrepreneur!
JOIN ME – “The Queen of the Business Lunch™” when I am one of the featured panelists at the Entrepreneur Panel and Book Signing Community Event in West Summerlin, this Saturday, June 26, 2010 * Time 3:00 pm – 6:00 pm.
Three out of four people would like to be an entrepreneur!
Teen Entrepreneurs of Las Vegas invites you to an open discussion with successful entrepreneurs who will share the stories of their success,answer your questions, and sign their books. Find out how I became a Speakers Bureau President, Motivational Speaker, Award-winning Author, and Publisher!
Join me for this afternoon of celebrating the Entrepreneurial Spirit
“Find your passion amd live your dream”
WHAT BUSINESS WOULD YOU START IF YOU HAD THE CHANCE?
I will be joined by Brenda Ward, Marit Macchia, Regina Ruf, Leslie Gomez, Angelique Daniels, and Will Pettaway.
This fabulous event is sponsored by: Teen Entrepreneurs of Las Vegas and Body Spa West
LEARN HOW WE DID IT … LEARN HOW YOU CAN DO IT, TOO!
at Body Spa West @ 8751 West Charleston Las Vegas, NV 89117.
For More Info: call 702- 885-3011 or visit: TEOLV.ORG
“The Queen of the Business Lunch” – There is Only One!
"The Queen of the Business Lunch" Gets Trademarked!
Well, it is about time! “The Queen of the Business Lunch™” is FINALLY trademarked! Robin Jay is the OFFICIAL “Queen of the Business Lunch”! You may be wondering what it takes to earn such a title. I’m here to answer your questions!
I hosted more than 3,000 client lunches during my years in advertising sales – though I’m quite sure that is a conservative estimate. My guess today would lean more toward 4,000. During that time, I saw my sales increase by more than 2,000%! That told me that I was doing SOMETHING right. I was compelled to share my tips and techniques with the world … and so I wrote “The Art of the Business Lunch.”
A lot has happened since I began this journey of sharing ways to build better relationships in business. First, most people are actually AFRAID to have lunch with me! Can you imagine? As a Business Relationship Expert, I can see why. But relax! There is no need to fear. The book has been printed. I am no longer looking for extreme examples to write about (Oh – except for my BLOG – where you may just get a mention or two if you misbehave during a business lunch with me!)
The Art of the Business Lunch - A MUST-READ for Business Owners & Sales Professionals
Seriously, the book is a fine example of the BEST behavior you can exhibit. Unfortunately, many of the anecdotes came from MY own MISTAKES! Sure, I’ve said the wrong thing at a business lunch. Of COURSE I’ve spilled my drink at a client lunch. And those times when I got back into my car only to discover food in my teeth? OMG! I hate that! Why didn’t someone TELL ME? But why make all those mistakes yourself when I’ve already made them FOR YOU!!! We don’t need to reinvent the wheel.
The secret to an outstanding, successful “power lunch” is to be prepared. Visit my video channel on YouTube to view some of my tips. Here’s one of my favorite videos that explains WHY the business lunch is SO IMPORTANT!